Pastor Steven Furtick had some great thoughts a few days ago titled “Friends and Fans.”
I thought it was a very good piece outlining the difference, from his perspective, and I began thinking myself of how this particular dynamic plays out in the online space.
I liked it so much I reached for the “Comment Here” button and found none… ‘AHA!’ I remembered, ‘He doesn’t sport comments.‘
But, at least he sports WordPress.
😉
So, I thought I’d bring the conversation here, since I think it’s a valuable one to have and perhaps a few others have wanted to make a comment as well.
Mr. Furtick writes:
Anyone who has a public ministry will eventually discover that they don’t have NEARLY as many friends as they think they do.
For the purpose of this discussion, I’m defining a friend as someone who is with you. They’re with you in times of success, and much more profoundly, in times of defeat. They know the real you, and they like you anyway.
You can’t really run them off. And when you show them a weakness, it only causes them to respect and support you more. It’s a connection that defies logic and enables immense security.
A fan, on the other hand, is someone who is for you.
Often, fans aren’t even truly for you…they’re simply for the same thing that you are for. Which is tricky, because the moment they find someone else who can achieve their cause with greater efficiency or at less personal expense, they’ll switch fan clubs.
I want to make sure you understand: Fans aren’t bad! They can be incredible allies and they’re usually good people.  Just don’t mistake them for friends. You’ll end up overextended and disappointed when they don’t deliver in your down times.
Sorry to say, but you’re only going to have a few true friends. You’ll have lots and lots of fans, though. Knowing the difference will enable you to appreciate and maximize both for what they are.
What do you guys think?
I’ll be honest. I have only a few friends, partly due to the fact that I’m terrible at making them (and being one) and the fact that I’ve moved so darn often in my life. It’s probably the former issue that’s the biggest issue though.
But, as Steven might say, I’ve developed a “fan” base. As much as I’d like to “convert” as many of these “fans” into “friends” I’m not sure time, space, and human capacity will allow me to do that, both physically, mentally, and spiritually.
So how does this all play out online for you, or as far as you’ve seen?
Adam_S says
Yep. I have a few real long term friends and other than direct family, none of them are local. I have moved a lot as well. I have a tension with some of the community discussions because either I don't have community in the real world (as community is defined by many) or I do have community and it is mostly online (as I would prefer to define it.)
I would prefer to have a deeper community both online and in real life.
human3rror says
I'd raise my hand to that.
moving a lot… ugh. we wanna stop that for a while…
Adam_S says
I moved 24 times from birth to marriage. But only 3 since marriage and this one looks pretty permanent. I hope you guys get into a good community as well.
human3rror says
thanks adam!
Graham Brenna says
I've been a member of the church I now work for since 1992. Needless to say Naperville is my "home". It's a city of about 160K people or so and I can go downtown for lunch and see a couple people I know almost everyday. I also have friends in the area… not going away to college really helped build lasting friendships for me. (I went to college right in Naperville). So I have both a "real" community and a growing "online community". I like interacting with them both.
human3rror says
THat's pretty cool. was that by choice (the college thing)?
Rodlie says
Yeah, I think especially as a pastor there's a tricky balance. You want to be friends with everybody and authentic as you possibly can be. But to be honest, there are times after a church service that I'm so worn out, that I just want to go home and be in silence and in peace. So I think Furticks analogy there is perfect. There are lots of fans…but not a ton of genuine friends, especially if you're the pastor.