[image from matthewfield]
Chapter 12 is covered by Luke DeMoss as part of our Group Blogging Project discussing the book Flickering Pixels by Shane Hipps. If you need a quick overview to what Flickering Pixels is about, please go here.
A very simple summary of this chapter is that Hipps discusses the idea of intentional communities, and how many of them have failed due to our need for individualism. He also mentions the idea of virtual communities making conflict a bigger issue…no one knows how to deal with conflict, they can just ignore it online and seclude themselves.
Hipps starts off the chapter talking about intentional communities and how most don’t work. He explains that the reason they don’t work is because of our need to be individuals. The way this is presented in the book, seems like this is a big problem that we have in our society. I don’t totally agree. Being independent individuals…at least to some degree is a very healthy, biblical thing. Although I don’t fully agree with the way Hipps chose to present this idea, I do agree that there is a definite need for balancing our want for independence.
The other thing that I found interesting in this chapter was how Hipps described online communities/relationships and how they were messing up our ability to do things like resolve conflict. While seclusion is always a possibility with technology, I don’t think that being involved in technology directly causes a lack of conflict resolution. In fact, I have seen technology assist in conflict resolution on many occassions. I think our definition of a “real” relationship is changing big time, and calling things done over the internet, not real isn’t going to be true anymore.
Overall, although I didn’t agree with the presentation of everything in this chapter, I do think Hipps brings up some good points that should cause us to pause and evaluate how much balance we have in our life. Rhett Smith is one of many great examples, take a look at this post back in November about his goal towards having a healthy balance of online vs. offline interaction. The answer isn’t leaving technology, but just having a good balance.
What do you do, to not just be a speck in the huge crowd of online communities, to engage the online community while also engaging offline? Share your experiences.
Susan_Stewart says
Sometimes I think online community is a catalyst for conflict. Conflict could have easily happened due email this week.
The organization I work is down to the wire for our biggest annual event. Staff is tired, over-worked, and stressed. Two different circumstances, where errors were made, brought opposing emails. One email had a harsh tone of conflict; the other pointing out the error and along with a possible solution.
My natural instinct was to fire back to the first one. I didn't. Not because I'm such a wise and good person; but because I didn't have time to engage in a virtual argument. The problems were fixed. I still have a sour taste about the person who wrote the less than gracious emails.
Had the person writing the harsh email been forced to call or confront face-to-face, I think the tone would have been less confrontational. It is all to easy to fire off an email or send a quick DM without much thought about the consequences of our words.
I do like the Anabaptist "Agreeing and Disagreeing in Love." I plan to study it further. However, Hipp follows that with the comment "the most effective method of conflict resolution always establishes clear rules and boundaries on process long before the content of the dispute is ever discussed." A lofty goal.
I don't see how this can be applied to online conflict when it fires at us (and away from us) so quickly. I have my own set of rules for responding to angry emails or unkind FB comments. But, that doesn't me the other person will abide by my rules. In the midst of a conflict, is not always the best time to lay ground rules.
Phillip Gibb says
This Chapter made me laugh and splutter a bit – based on a similar experience I had with firing off an email in anger – ha ha ha. Personally I am not a person that enjoys conflict and would rather internalize it; maybe I am a vicarage of digital community reversal. I prefer to lay my thoughts down on paper/harddrive because I don't want to be mis-interpretted – BUT w.r.t. my own email rant; I think I was not interpreted correctly, and I have still not expressed myself properly – when I want to it just sound stupid ha ha ha.
Anyway, I think that people are different in different situations and the thoughts proposed here are pretty much general to the average person, but I guess that the technology that brings about digital communities can be a threat in dealing with conflict because of the way they rob us of the ability to properly express ourselves with all mechanisms available to us.
But you know, maybe digital communities will become so life like that we would not be able to tell the difference – virtual reality like – or even like the world depicted in Otherland by Tad Williams or even the Matrix .
Paul Steinbrueck says
The points that stood out most to me in this chapter was that our individualism has led to the high rate of failure of intentional communities and marriages. And that we need to develop better habits of interpersonal conflict.
Think about how quick people are to quit their job, end a friendship, leave a church, or get divorced. People dump their "communities" all the time, sometimes over minor personality issues or differences in opinions. It's partially because we have so many options today. Don't like your church, your friend, your job, your spouse? You can just get a new one.
Because it's so easy for people in our communities to dump us, we're afraid of conflict. We're afraid to disagree. We're afraid we might hurt someones feelings. So, we don't tell people what we're really think. We don't criticize a bad idea. We don't say anything to the friend who is about to do something that may ruin his life. We don't use the biblical pattern for conflict resolution described by Jesus in Matthew 18.
I personally feel convicted on this point. My plan going forward is to speak my mind more freely and risk conflict. Along with that though, I think I'll be asking a lot more people, "Hey, are we cool? Or do we need to talk?"
SCBubba says
Paul, I think you nailed the point here. We can, and often do, toss out anything uncomfortable or difficult because we are lead to believe that it is easier or better to get a new or different one.
The prevailing thought, in Hipps' book and in the general population, is that virtual communities just make it easier to do what a lot of people are doing in "real" communities.
What I notice about the people blogging on this book and commenting (myself included) is representation from people who have had (in general) success with communities, are drawn to or intrigued by technology/media, and are more intentional about relationship – virtual or otherwise. That is to say, we might not be representative of the general population Hipps is referencing in this chapter or in the book as a whole.
Either way, if our culture is so ready to throw away relationships with people that share the same house, of course it will be ready to throw away relationships with people we've never seen in person. The technology is, at best, a minimal factor.
The bigger question is whether or not technology/media has led us to this disposable culture or not…
philter says
Some great thoughts Paul. I like how Shane say's "how we disagree matters more than what we disagree about."
My friend Mark Scandrett http://www.reimagine.org/ told me once that the reason we avoid conflict and confronting people on things is that we care more about what they are going to think about us than we have love for them. This was profound to me as I, like you Paul I am not good at conflict somewhat because of the points and fears you mentioned above. I want to love others as Jesus loves and Jesus was confronting people all the time, even calling them Satan.
Paul Steinbrueck says
Yeah, great point and quote!
rhettsmith says
Luke,
Thanks for the shout out. How you and I met is just an example of how meeting online and can lead to offline friendship, etc. I look forward to getting together again soon.
Stbx in Coppell?
Rhett
Graham Brenna says
This topic of balancing your online time with your offline time seems to get a lot of 'online' attention. While it is an important topic (I've blogged on it before) I don't think it is as big a deal as we're making it out to be. There is just no way we can completely ignore our physical communities. We go to lunch with friends, we hang out with our families, we are involved in our church and/or local communities. These are the topics that most of our blogs are talking about. If we only blogged on ideas from reading other blogs… we'd be running in circles, which we're not. I've not been blogging as frequently lately simply because my life is very busy right now. I'll tweet when I'm at my desk but perhaps not about what restaurant I'm eating at… because I'm with friends and taking the time away from them to send a tweet seems rude to me.
But that's just my opinion… I could be wrong. 🙂 Great post dude!
Paul Steinbrueck says
>>There is just no way we can completely ignore our physical communities.
Are you sure that is true for everyone?
I think that's probably true for most of us in the group blogging project, but then most of us are relatively far along in our walk with Christ and leaders.
Graham Brenna says
True… I suppose there are those people that would rather spend time online instead of hanging out with friends in person. To them I say that they just have to "get out of the boat" and take a chance. You never know where God is going to lead you unless you try something new.