I’ve seen it a million times.
- A parent at the playground.
- A parent at the store.
- A parent at the ball field.
- A parent at the dinner table.
Between the meaningful gaze of a loving parent and the bright smile of a reciprocating child, a shallow interruption of a smartphone splashes between parent and child, disconnecting the connection between parent and child.
Yes, indeed. Facebook, Twitter, email and more. These attention takers are cued and ready to steal the most precious moments you have with your kids.
Don’t be that parent.
In a recent post for Time magazine, Dominique Browning argues kids know when their parents are paying them no heed (they’re no fools – the devices in ours hands give it away) and all these distracted adults are falling down on the parenting job. In fact, she laments the loss of the landline because we couldn’t take it with us, or go hands free without getting a crook in our necks. Even if hands-free technology has the sound of progress, it’s actually costing us our relationship with our kids, she suggests.
“[Cell phones have] become handy tools for avoidance, and it’s our kids who are getting the bad end of the deal,” she writes. “I’ve heard them begging their parents to stop, disconnect. I’ve watched children start to whimper the moment the mobile is picked up, off the dinner table.”
It’s cliche’, but true, kids grow up fast. If we don’t do something about our smartphone use now, it’ll be too late. I’m afraid our generation may be blinded by our own technology. It’s so shiny and new, and we haven’t properly evaluated the effects that it may have on our lives, let alone the effects it may have on our children.
I never want to be associated with the “throw away the television” kind of people. I’ve never liked being defined by what I was against, and I’m certainly not against using smartphones. I think they’re great! After all, I am the editor of a technology blog, so it would be nothing short of hypocritical for me to come out against smartphone use.
However, let’s be mindful of how often we check-in on our smartphone and take more time to check-in on our kids. Engage Twitter less and our children more. Consider turning it off and leaving it behind, before our kids have all grown and gone, and our only connection with them is through Facebook.
After all, if anyone should know how temporary the digital world is, it should be us.
[via The Globe and Mail | Image via shoothead]
Mediastry says
Convicting…genuinely. After reading, I thought “Smartphone parents beget smartphone kids who beget…”. Painful and sad legacy to leave behind.
Eric Dye says
Yikes. #greatcomment
Peter Schott says
Pretty much agree with the overall tone of the article, but it’s also worth noting that the smartphone includes the all-important camera. I try not to “check out” when my kid is playing around, but will sometimes do a quick glance and go, but do try to grab the camera so I can take those all-important pictures to capture the moment. Don’t care so much about sharing it right then, but catching those great moments in video or picture is priceless. As one dad told me way back when – “film is cheap” (WAY back when….). Sometimes getting that precious moment captured is important for later use. I know that we can have some good times looking back over the years at great moments, remembering those times, and seeing how much our little one has grown. She enjoys it at times and it helps her remember those times. Of course, we don’t live there, but it’s a good way to share those memories.
Eric Dye says
Agreed. Dedicated cameras can be a good idea, too. I know that I take MORE pictures with a mobile device, now. The tech isn’t bad, it’s what you do with. Great input, Peter, thank you!
Adam Shields says
While I basically agree that you should pay attention to kids. There is a reality that those smart phones allow us to be at the park in ways that we may not be able to be without them.
So is it better to be occasionally on a smart phone and at the park or to not be on the smart phone at all and not at the park.
That certainly is not a dichotomy all the time. But sometimes it is.
Parents have enough guilt, We don’t need to continually add to it all the time. Many people pay far more attention to and spend more time with kids now than in the last generation or two. If you look at time surveys, especially fathers spend a lot more time with kids. (Mothers spend a bit less, but if you account for the increase in working moms, they spend more time as well.)
The way that works is that people spend less time cooking, cleaning and working. An average household as late as 1950s spent an average of 6 hours a week heating their house (shoveling coal, cutting wood, etc.)
Eric Dye says
Okay.
Craig Allen says
To me it’s all about priority. When I’m with my kids I pick them every time.
If you are too tempted by the dings and rings of your phone going off during dinner or any other time, try something drastic like…turning it off!!!!
Eric Dye says
Dude. Seriously. That pretty much sums it up.
Jonathan Ober says
This reminded me very much of a lady I have seen over the year walking her kids (elementary age) to and from school. She passes our house and is on her phone talking to someone every time. I have never seen her not on her phone talking or walking and texting. Her kids ran out in the street one time when she wasn’t paying attention and nearly got hit (this is a semi busy side road they walk down). She has no regard for that time she could be walking and holding their hands. Instead she just walks and talks to her friend, most of the time being very loud, as I can hear her conversation plainly from across the street.
I know my wife and I have tech attached to us a lot, we own two laptops, two iPads, two iPhones…but our girls have also embraced the tech. Our two year old loves taking pictures, watching PBS shows on the apps, etc. but we do have rules. Not tech between supper and bedtime for any of us, unless an emergency phone call from our parents. No tech at the table whenever we eat and a few others. It’s hard sometimes, I work for myself, but the payoff has been huge.
Seeing our girls everyday, we both work at home, has been a blessing and I don’t want tech to get in the way of seeing them grow.
Eric Dye says
Striking a balance is key, and it sounds like you’ve found it. Way to go!!!
Linda says
Wonder if Browning is revealing some of her own struggles as a parent?
The age old problem of self centeredness and absorption is still around! It was before smartphones, usually in the form of a book or converstion with another parent on the playground, and will be when the next thing hits the parenting scene. As a pre cell and post cell phone owning parent, believe me, I know what ignoring and preoccupation is.
Being there when they need it and them knowing that I am is very important. “Do I stop, look and listen to them when they interrupt?” is a good evaluation question.
Managing the tension of the pull of technology can be done; if the person who holds the technology wants too.
Eric Dye says
Agreed, but not completely. I believe social media and checking in on email have an added addictive element that doesn’t effect us like these other things. RE: https://churchm.ag/tweeting-urges/