A while ago, a friend of mine was very upset because a picture of her son had been posted on Facebook without her permission. He’d been at a friend’s birthday party and the friend’s mom had posted some pictures – without asking the other parents.
Some of you may consider this a trivial thing, unavoidable even, but to my friend it wasn’t. She’s a parent who keeps her kids off social media, because she does not want them exposed to the risks it brings. For someone else to disregard that in such a blatant way, it was a big deal to her.
I’m a lot ‘easier’ when it comes to my son on social media, but I think I would have had a problem with it as well. That’s because the party was a pool party and the kid was pictured wearing only swimming trunks. To me, that’s not a kind of picture I want on the internet.
Parents differ in how open they choose to be about their kids on social media. That being said, let’s look at 7 Golden Rules for posting about kids on social media, whether they’re yours or someone else’s.
Rule #1: No Embarrassing Pics
You may think posting a shot of your kid in weird costume funny, but does the kid agree? My son is 9 and that’s an age where the sense of shame over doing something (unintentionally) silly or stupid can be huge. But even before that, I never posted anything that would make him feel embarrassed.
Sure, all teens think their baby pics are awkward, but maybe you need to respect even that. I sometimes see parents post baby pics or other childhood pics from their kids on birthdays and I’m not always sure their kids think that’s so funny. When in doubt: ask. I ask my son now which pictures I can post and which he doesn’t like.
Rule #2: No Half-Dressed Pics
I’m very careful when it comes to posting pictures where kids are half-dressed, for instance in the pool. There are too many creeps and pervs out there who can use those and change them digitally into something else. While you can never completely prevent that (unless you keep your kids off the internet entirely), you can use common sense here.
Rule #3: No Recognizable Location
A safety precaution you may want to take, is to avoid posting pictures of your kids at recognizable locations they visit often. Facebook often asks you to tag a location for each picture, but be careful there. If you tag school, home, or a sports club, your child can be easily identified and found.
Rule #4: Ask Permission
Before posting a picture of someone else’s kid, always ask permission. You may think it’s okay because the parents post stuff all the time, but it’s not your call to make. Also, you even open yourself up to legal action if the kids are still minors.
And you may even consider asking your own kids for permission. When my son was younger, I’d just post whatever I thought was suitable, but these days I ask. One reason is because I don’t want him to be embarrassed. Another consideration is that in a few years, he’ll have his own social media accounts and I want him to stop and consider every single time before he posts.
But maybe even most important: I’ve been teaching him bodily autonomy. He has the right to decide who can and cannot touch him. But to me, that also means he has the right to decide what he wants to show to others and what he doesn’t. It’s his body, his image, and thus his right.
Rule #5: No Oversharing or TMI
Ask yourself two things: would you think it’s funny if someone posted that picture or story about you? It’s easier to think it’s okay when it’s your kid, but is it really? And secondly: how will your son or daughter feel in five, ten years when that picture and story is still out there? So maybe keep the stories about bodily fluids, embarrassing mistakes and whatnot to yourself, if only because one day, a college admissions counselor may google your son or daughter and read he peed his pants in second grade. Seriously.
Rule #6: Know Your Privacy Settings
It amazes me how little people know about privacy settings before they post. Take Facebook, the fairest biggest of them all: too many people are not aware of how privacy settings work on facebook. They don’t realize for instance that if your tag someone (say, the mom of the kid you’re posting a photo of), all her friends will be able to see the picture as well. So if you tag a few moms in a group picture, you just made it available to hundreds of people beyond your own friend list.
Rule #7: Limit the Struggles
Social media, but more specifically blogging, can feel like an outlet for frustrations at times. Every parent has been in a situation at one point where he or she just wanted to share a parenting struggle with others. The problem is that when we do that online, our kids may not read it now, but they can and will read it later. How will your child feel if you’ve put their medical diagnosis ‘out there’ for instance? Or when they read you struggled with their sexual orientation? Their behavior during puberty? Their addiction?
Yes, talking about parenting struggles can be freeing and empowering, both for ourselves and to encourage and inform others. But always keep the feelings of your kid(s) in mind as well. What you share is not supposed to hurt them.
Bonus Tip
Set up a Google Alert for your child’s name(s). That way, you can keep track of what’s being posted, at least publicly. You can also do a Google Image search for pictures you suspect have ‘leaked’.
John says
Right on, Rachel! Especially #4. Drives me nuts when other parents assume it’s OK to blast pictures on my kids on the social media.
Rachel Blom says
Yeah, same here. I post pics of my son, but that’s still my decision to make, so I’m upset too when other people just post his picture. He’s a minor, so ask permission!
Gangai Victor says
Totally nailed it Sharon.
Hopefully more folks will take this message seriously enough.
Rachel Blom says
Not sure who Sharon is, but thanks? 🙂