We all know why you’re here.
You want to sabotage your church’s ministries.
Well, you came to the right place, because I’m going to give you three helpful tips on how NOT to lead your church’s ministries well. I know you’re chomping at the bit, so let’s get started!
1. Don’t Communicate
This is the best way to ruin church for everyone. People HATE it when you don’t reach out, and that’s perfectly fine with you, I know.
- Oh, I’m sorry, you needed that schedule last week? My bad…
- You were trying to text me for days? I guess I need to start cluing in more…
- Are you sure you asked me to cover your teaching this week? I swear I never got your email…
These are all great examples of not communicating. Beyond that, you can even throw some defensiveness in there to REALLY start stirring the pot!
- You knew I was at work when you sent me that! How was I supposed to remember you needed help after I got out of work!
See? Really changes the flavor of the communication. You’ll alienate them way faster that way! It’s perfect!
2. Be Selfish
Everyone hates a tool. So, be a tool! Selfishness is one of the more potent poisons to the body of Christ, so it’s only natural to add it to your egocentric arsenal.
- We can’t really meet then cause it doesn’t fit with my schedule.
- I’m just not really comfortable moving ahead with that right now.
- We need to have the meeting at my house because I’ve got more comfortable couches than Sally, even though it’s farther for everyone.
- I can’t make that meeting. I’ve got to go see Civil War that night.
See? By being selfish, you undermine whatever progress the rest of those goons want to make. Eventually, you can make the whole church body come to a standstill! You can thank me later.
3. Ignore the Bible
This one’s easy. Just take what you know about the Bible and do the opposite. It’s easy as pie! The instructions are right there for you to ignore! Take 1 Corinthians 13 for instance:
Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
All you have to do is the opposite. Let me rewrite this for you. I’m here to make it easy:
Be impatient and rude. Be envious and boastful. Be arrogant and rude. Insist on your own way. Be irritable and resentful. Rejoice in wrongdoing! Push off responsibility, sow mistrust, be pessimistic and oversensitive.
You’re Welcome
There you go! Three easy ways to sabotage ministries worldwide! Now get to it!
Note:
snark: Use of sarcasm or malice in speech. Also: snarky, snarkiness.
[Top image Public Domain & kitty image via Reddit]
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