[Editor’s Note: This post was part of our April Fool’s 2014 lineup. Have fun, enjoy!]
Best-selling author Jon Acuff is getting a taste of his own medicine this week in the form a legal punch to the face: Acuff is being sued for libel, slander, and defamation of character regarding his most recent book, Start: Punch Fear in the Face, Escape Average and Do Work That Matters. Fear, the most primal of human emotional responses, has apparently had enough of Acuff’s metaphorical abuse and is setting out to prove that it swings pretty hard itself.
The suit, filed in the Court of Public Opinion, charges that Fear has suffered severe emotional distress since Acuff’s book was published and that the acclaimed author has been essentially working to raise an army of people devoted to overcome Fear, effectively inciting continued violence against the plaintiff. Says Fear of Acuff’s book,
“My life has been a walking nightmare ever since, which I admit is highly ironic.”
The suits goes on to detail how Acuff has been engaged in a concerted effort to bully Fear online by writing blog posts that challenge others violently oppose Fear.
“I was once a successful oppressor of dreams and creativity. With that gone, what do I have left? Roller coasters? Clowns?”
Fear complained to reports outside of the courthouse earlier today.
In a related issue, Monday has begun to grumble in agreement about Acuff’s bully tactics. Apparently, the celebrated humorist and propagator of “hustle” has been posting taunting, early-monring pictures of his alarm clock, in defiance of Monday’s strong stance against early rising.
Acuff has yet to release a statement in response to all of this, but a well-crafted tweet is likely in the works.
Check back here for future updates on this ChurchMag Exclusive.
Kristin says
This made me laugh. Great post!
Phil Schneider says
Thanks, Kristin! Glad you enjoyed it!
Nick says
Ha! Nice. As a lawyer, I appreciate this post and would happily represent Mr. Acuff pro bono in this lawsuit! A little known fact about fear. Fear fears two things: community and bear attacks.
— Nick “Grizzly” Esquire
Happy April 1!
Phil Schneider says
Awesome, Nick! I’m sure Jon appreciates having you in his corner.
Susie Reed says
Too funny! Love it!
Phil Schneider says
Thanks, Susie! Happy April Fools’!
KC says
Phil – you are a comedic genius. Great concept and well written. HILARIOUS!!
Phil Schneider says
Thanks, KC! Here’s hoping that everyone gets the joke!
Carol says
My heart dropped when I viewed the legaleeze in the title. Great post, and I’m sighing with relief!
Phil Schneider says
Sorry for your heart skipping a beat, but I’m glad you liked the post!
Jordan Fortenboher says
Wow. I absolutely love this! It was Jon Acuff himself who inspired me to write about battling fear. Thanks so much for giving me a good laugh today!
Phil Schneider says
I’m so glad, Jordan. I’m a huge fan of Jon, especially his satire, so this is a bit of an homage.
April Terry says
I really enjoyed this! My favorite line, “My life has been a walking nightmare ever since, which I admit is highly ironic.” Too funny!
Phil Schneider says
It’s not really professional, but I have to admit that I laughed when I wrote that line.
😀 Glad you enjoyed the post!
Jeremy Smith says
Phil, this is why you win every time. #Iamnotworthy
Phil Schneider says
Thank, Jeremy! #stopbowingdown
Chubbs says
This is the best misleading post Ive read! Great work!
Phil Schneider says
Thanks, Chubbs! We aim to please when we deceive!
Eric Dye says
You have a gift, Phil, you have a gift. 😉
Phil Schneider says
Thanks, boss! It’s fun to write when you’re free to be funny.