[Editor’s Note: This post was part of our April Fool’s 2014 lineup. Have fun, enjoy!]
It’s been a busy day in the Church tech world.
Here’s a quick sampling of what’s going on around the world this April 1st…
Facebook Bans Old People
Tired of being invited to play games by your mom’s annoying friends? Then rejoice! Facebook has had it, too. Zuckerberg, specifically, is tired of getting invites to this game and that page. Apparently, our good friend Zuck has been hit by requests from the vast majority of blue, silver, and white-haired on Facevook. Guess they took the term “friend” a little too literally. It’s a bit sad to think that all of these old folks will be without Facebook, but I’m sure they’ll be able to drown their sorrows in an early bird dinner at Denny’s.
YouTube Commenters All Agree to Be Nice
No place on the Internet is known for having less mercy, less kindness than the comments section on YouTube. Google, the cooperate overlord of half the Internt and YouTube, has tried to intervene, but the commenters were so mean to Sergey that he logged off in tears. However, these tears were not in vain, as it seems that even heartless YouTube trolls have a soft-spot for forty-something billionaires. A discussion was had, ground rules were set, and everyone has, miraculously, agreed to play nice on YouTube. So for the foreseeable future, YouTube is a safe place for the sensitive.
But don’t bait the trolls; there’s no telling how long before the dam bursts and the bile springs forth.
Al Gore Successfully Wins Internet Paternity Suit; “I am your father!”
After years of making claims to the contrary, the Internet has finally submitted to a paternity test and the truth has won the day: Al Gore is the Internet’s father. Regarding this startling public declaration, the former Vice-President had this to say,
“I’m so excited to the Internet finally admit to what I have known, what many have known, to be true all along. Certainly, we have much to do in ways of repairing our strained relationship, and I’m well aware of my progeny’s darker indiscretions. But at least we can now move forward together.”
The Internet has been relatively silent on the issue, but a source close to the nebulous network of information and cat pictures has said that the “Net,” as he is known to his friends, was heard to say, “OMG! This is an inconvenient truth!”
Medical Myth Debunked: Cow Bell NOT a Cure for Any Known Fever, According to CDC
For decades, there’s been a firm rule to producing/recording music—cow bell cures all ills! Whether at a church, a heavy metal concert, or a with an a cappella group, the cow bell has been a go-to panacea for all manner of sound-related issues. However, just this morning, the CDC has quietly made a startling revelation that flies in the face of what has been accepted practice. Says Tom Frieden, director of the CDC,
“We didn’t want to cause a stir—we know how particular sound guys can be—but the facts are facts. Cow bell has no curative powers in a medical sense.”
The CDC went on to say that if using cow bell brings some emotional or psychological benefit to those who use it, then they should continue to use cow bell according to their past practices. However, this reporter wonders how long before a report will be released linking cow bell to increased amounts of sausage fingers, tinnitus, and baldness. The dark cabal of cow bell manufactures can’t keep the truth suppressed for much longer.
Eric Dye says
I have my doubts about the cowbell, Phil, but maybe that’s just me…
Phil Schneider says
I once hid the cowbell at my church. #hater